22 July 2008

wAsHiNg fEet...


I wrote this sunday morning after experience it... and just wanted to share it with you... be blessed, as much as I was...

Jesus wanted to wash my feet this morning...
Somehow it was hard for me to accept it...
I started to cry...and cried... and cried...
Still, I couldn’t take my sandals off,
“my feet are a mess” I thought,
Wounds from thorns, dirt, deep cuts because of dryness...
But Jesus kept speaking:
“that’s why I want to wash your feet...
It’s been hard the path you’ve been paving...
It’s been hard work I know,
and I’m thankful you’ve been willing to walk on it...”
More tears came down my face
As I made myself vulnerable to recognise and feel the hardness Jesus was speaking about...
And at the same time
A feeling of relief...
“I want to take care of you...
And I want you to take care of yourself”,
Jesus continue as I kept weeping...
Finally I took my sandals off
And let Jesus “wash” my dirty, wounded and tired feet...
I kept weeping and He kept speaking :
“I want you to do the same to others,
I’ve called you to serve,
And I’m giving you my example
For you to follow.”
Suddenly everything was so clear,
I was never comfortable with the role of a leader,
Mainly because of the heaviness and discomfort the word itself carries...
And even when I knew God was putting me in places and situations to lead,
I never really assumed that, not to me nor to others...
I always said that I was called to serve,
But somehow at this moment it was sinking deep down in my soul...
Yesterday, as I was speaking with some people,
A couple with whom I was having some problems
(mostly because they were resisting my role as a leader in this place),
I said that I don’t like the role I have to play as well,
And that I have my problems too with the word “leader”
When it comes to myself...
I said leadership is not a bad thing
When it’s understood as a function
Instead of a position...
And submission to others has been
Something I’ve been learning and growing a lot with...


Now, Jesus was showing me what a leader was about...
It’s all about serving others,
Being clear about our own identity...
It’s about caring for others...
I went to read the passage
Where Jesus washed His disciples feet before being crucified...
John 13:1-20
And more revelations came about...
And sank in...
I was amazed !!!
Judas was among the disciples at that moment,
And the devil was already putting his thoughts in his mind...
Interesting, isn’t it ?!!
I never thought about that...
Jesus washed his feet as well,
Even knowing he was “not clean”,
And he was about to betray Him...
This made me realise
That we are to wash EVERYONE’s feet,
We are to serve ALL with no exception...
I knew that, but somehow it sounded NEW again...
I am to serve all people in this land,
In humility and love...
I started to picture myself washing the feet of those I was having some problems with...
It was so relieving and beautiful...


Jesus started to speak about other thing...
In my conversation with that couple,
They also asked forgiveness for being defensive and even arrogant towards christianity...
They said they recognise
They were the ones having problems with it...
This was another refreshment for my soul...
Rejection has been a strong feeling in my life...
I feel rejection among “freaks” for being a christian,
(usually all other ways are acceptable,
But when it comes to Jesus,
There’re lots of apprehension, which I understand, but it still hurts)
Among christians (not all) I also feel rejected
For being a “freak”,
Which makes me very sad,
Not for feeling a personal rejection,
But for knowing they are rejecting so many others in the world
And preventing them from knowing the real Love and Grace of Jesus for them...
So, I felt really glad to be accepted as a christian among “freaks” and “new agers”
Who have other ideas about God...
This made me think about other thing that Jesus spoke,
And I realised it was on the same passage,
after Jesus washed His disciples’ feet:

“I tell you that whoever receives the one I sent
Is also receiving me;
And those who receive me,
Receive the One who sent me.”

It made me think that receiving is about accepting to be served...
Accepting to have their feet washed...

Wow!!! Thank you Jesus for this revelation...
Thank you Holy Spirit...
Thank You for your Love and Kindness God !!!
Your words are truth and life,
Whom shall I follow ?!!!
Thank You !! Thank You!!! Thank You!!!


After writing this, I went to have a good bath :-) !!!
I spent more than 2 hours, scrubbing my feet and taking the old skin away...
I felt soooo good... :-)

4 comments:

Whitney said...

Oh Baba! You are such a beautiful person =)
I love your honest and sharing heart

I'm so glad that the problems with that couple are being resolved and that so many people are committing to staying at the land for long periods of time!! It's such great news!! Isn't it awesome how God answers our prayers?

matew said...

You're writing that authentic and honest! It's a joy to read, as it's not just theory but you're an example of how to live with Jesus day to day.

Blessings!

Renan said...

Hello Barbara!
I really like to read your blog and get to know more about your work and your community. I don't know if you remember me, I'm Ben's and Marcia's friend, we've met last time on Shekinah, in Algarve.
Deus te abençoe =)

Baba said...

claro que lembro de ti Renan... tas fixe?
seras sempre bemvindo aqui no Monte dos Carvalhos... ja agora, de 17 a 24 de Agosto vamos ter uma semana de oracao e servico na Aldeia... aparece e tras amigos... o ben e a Marcia vao ca estar...
ja vou escrever sobre isso no blog...
PAZ