27 November 2010

rEfLeXiOnS oN LaSt cOupLE oF mOunThs...


It's been again a long time since I post anything...apart from my last note about my laptop keyboard... as you might presume, I do have a keyboard now :-)... i found a cheap one on ebay, only 12E...super!!! but that was not the only reason why I haven't got the opportunity to write...
the thing is that my days have been quite full and many things have happen...
Now I seat here in "my house" (the bus), the sun just set, I just lit a nice fire to warm up and made myself a cup of tea... the season of cold days (and specially nights) have started, and the olive harvest season is about to come to an end...
Somehow I feel as I haven't spent much time on my own for a long time, and maybe that's just what I needed to seat, relax , and write...


today I also took the time to clean and organize the bus a bit, cuz the last couple of weeks, I haven't got the time or energy to do it... I love tidy places, and it does bring me some peace :-)... I also had a really nice hot bath, which I took more than an hour to take :-)...I still don't have an easy and prompt way to have a quick wash in the end of each day, so, a good bath is something I treasure a lot... One of my best treats :-)...
It's funny how small things can make me so happy :-)... that's what I feel now:
happy , cozy and peaceful ...
But let me update you with what I've been up to these last 2 months...

Anna, Hannah and Lindsey (I hope that's correct), came from Scotland for a couple of weeks... they are actually Americans, but they are at the moment living in a YWAM community in Scotland...we had such a lovely time...lots of worship and prayer, laughs, nice conversations and working together...

they helped me a lot while they were here...

cleaning the water drums was just one of the many things they did :-), having great fun too :-)
helping me cut lots of fire wood was another great help... we're sorted for the winter...
I also built this little shelter behind the kitchen to store more wood and to have a place to work on the rainy days...
.......
I had to stop writing for a while as Emma just called me for a quick chat before she had to go to the hospital again... her dad is not so well... being diagnosed with cancer about a year ago, and going through all the quimo and other chemical therapies, his body seem not to respond anymore (or not being able to handle anymore chemicals)... he has been remaining calm and positive all this time, but for the family who's watching him gradually losing his faculties has not been easy at all...he has been staying at home, but he was taken yesterday to the hospital after a night of fevers and pain... he's still waiting on a corridor, and Emma was just sharing with me now how frustrated it was for her to see him under those conditions and how powerless she feels for not being able to do anything for him... it's been a hard journey for the whole family, and it's been hard to be apart from Emma in such a time like this... in the end, the reality is that we are all powerless in this situation...we can only pray, even though I have to confess that sometimes I don't know what to pray anymore... my wish is that pain and suffering come to an end , whatever that might look like...
anyway, this is also something that I've been using my time with... it's been hard to watch from a distance the suffering and pain that Emma has been going through this last year... but I also know it's a journey she has to walk by herself... I'm glad I can give her my hand to hold sometimes, but we know she has to walk it on her own...and as she was telling me few days ago, she has been growing so much through it all... and her mom is often recognizing how prayer is the only thing that has been keeping them all going...these are the kind of things that we'll never understand, the kind of things that we will never know "why" (or it's even useless to ask that question)... it is hard to embrace, but in the end, it is the only thing left to do... we believe that death is not the end, yet it's so hard to embrace it... it's so hard to face it... it's hard to miss someone we really love... it's even harder to watch pain and suffering so close...

this is also another thing that I experienced last month...on the 20th of October, Muxima passed away... poisoned... it was really hard for me... Tom Sawyer and Huck had the same symptoms few days before... they were having something like epileptic attacks... scary...after two days with these attacks, they felt better... I had no idea what they ate, or where could it be...
one morning Muxima had the same, and it seemed stronger...I went to Fundao to find a vet...I found a clinic that had an emergency number and called... in 10 minutes the vet arrived and I carried Muxima inside... he immediately put her the drip, and he was about to give a medicine when her heart stopped... she was no longer there... it was just a body...
I believe death is not bad for those who die... but for those who stay, it's hard... it's hard to miss the presence that is no longer around...
I buried her in the prayer woods, as I buried "Pula",the cat...

Next morning was even harder, as she was not there anymore to wave her tail and say good-morning with all her usual excitement... I went to the kitchen to get some breakfast and as I saw Simba (the new cat) I just started to cry and couldn't stop... they became such good friends too... I went back to the bus and kept crying and crying... almost all morning... I felt better since then ... it's so important to cry and mourn...
I still miss her a lot, she was such a special one... I hope one day to be with her again... I do believe in heaven, not only for humans, but many other beings :-)...


Few days after I was going to Lisbon to see the Uhler's who were leaving Portugal to go to America, and also to take care of some boring paperwork from "White Stone", the Association that "owns" the land here...
I really enjoyed being at the Uhler's house and spending some time with them... They lived in Portugal for more than 10 years I guess, and they impacted so many people's lives... I'm sure it's been hard also for those who were closer to them...
It was so nice to be with Ben and Marcia, even though for a short while...I have them as my brother and sister :-)...Marcia was here not so long ago, but it has been a long time since I had quality time with Ben... It was a pleasure to hang out and also hear his hard journey the last year...

Before heading back to the land, I went to pick up Emma from the airport, passed by the Uhler's again to pick up my many laundry that I took to wash...I said good-bye to Marty, Carrie and Chris... Ben and Timmy were also there to make Chris a tatoo :-), and it was nice to see Ben again... he's really a brother to me...

Emma came for a week to spend my birthday , the 1st of November... I'm 36 now :-)... It's nice to get older :-)...
John was in the land too (he arrived when the girls from Scotland were still here)...he's from Germany, he heard about the land through friends and wanted to spend some time here before heading to Canada, USA and Jamaica...
such a nice person... we had so many interesting conversations... I feel he's another brother , even though I only met him here for 3 or 4 weeks...

here in the picture on the day he was leaving... Maren and Jimmy were just arriving to stay for few weeks too...

There were lots of rainy days during the week Emma was around, so we spent most of the days in my bus, playing cards, watching movies, eating pop-corn, playing music...John is a really good accordionist... he even made a song for my birthday, it was so sweet...
unfortunately ( not so much really) I had a cold, so I spent the day in bed... But I was well cared for, that's why I didn't mind much :-)... it was a good birth-day after all ...
it feels nice to be looked after :-)

But it didn't take much for me to desire to be well and fit... the Olive harvest needed to start... the weather was still rainy though, so I had to wait few more days... just the Rest I needed:-)

Jimmy and Simba :-) they really wanted to help somehow... both definitely with entertaining skills :-)

sorting the olives from the leaves in the end of the day...
Jo and Kathrin also came from Cologne... they were traveling in the cost before coming
here, and they met a lovely couple, Anna and Öskan (just "Ö", to make it simpler :-)...)... we had such a lovely time all together... it was really nice to be again with Jo who was recently here for the strawbale building workshop, but for Kathrin it has been almost 4 years since her last visit...

It was a pleasure to meet Ö and Anna, such lovely people...

here, preparing the mushrooms we picked for lunch... we call these "the monks" (frades), I have no idea the name in english, but they are delicious...
They were all a great help for the harvest and I'm really thankful...
this year we also had some new technology :-)

here Jim showing us how to use it... it does make the work easier...
The olives are going to the press this next tuesday and we have already more than 1000 kilos... Praise God !!!
Another guy from Germany arrived few days ago... Marvin, a traveling carpenter, friend of Maren...seems nice too...

On wednesday I go to Lisbon and on Thursday I go to Ireland for Emma's birthday... I will be back on the 9th and stay in Lisbon till the 12th... day that I will be flying to Angola to see my parents...
yes, it's true... it was almost a last minute decision, and another stress to organize everything for the Visa... but maybe next post I will write more about it...
the unexpected reason was that my mom went to the hospital after breaking 2 ribs and having one of her lungs filled with blood...
thank God she's fine now and out of danger, but she will have to rest at home for 2 months at least... that's when I decided to go for a visit and spend christmas and new year with my parents...
It's been almost 6 years since the last time I was there...
I'm curious to see how much things have changed after the war ended...
I'll try to report my experience as often as possible...

Blessings to all

PEACE






2 comments:

gaffycowan said...

Dear Ba, i absolutely loved this post-thank you for writing about Dad - i know he loves you dearly. These are hard times, but a road not walked alone. thank you for the support and love, emx

andarilho monge said...

May the Lord be with you and everybody that’s it’s in our life’s.

Thank´s for the news...

Sorry for my silence, but I always keep you in my heart.

Pray for me, hard times… losing people that I loved so much and the mission become more and more hard… only the Lord can keep us strong and faithful…

God bless you little bird of the world….