I think for the last 4 or five years, I've been trying to get back into bloging, but then I never make the time for it...even now, I'm reluctant to write... I ask myself, why should I write on a blog? I have a journal...the question might be more like "what do I have to share?" Or " what do I want to share?" ... That's what blogs are for,right? It does help me process my own experiences and ideas, but it is about sharing in the end, otherwise I stick to my journal...
I started this blog when I went traveling for 6 months and it was the easiest way to share my experiences with a lot of my friends at the time, instead of writing e.mails to all individually ( this was 2005, before Facebook era)...
The journey was a quest for connection with people in their spiritual paths and practises ... Mainly within alternative Christian scene... Which I was part of in Portugal, but not really satisfied with...
I met amazing people on that journey, some became good friends until today, and that includes my lovely wife Emma :-)
I also came across some expressions of Christian faith that encouraged me on my journey and my quest for more authenticity within my own faith...
"Speak network", who campaigned and prayed for justice issues like the garment industry and slavery work... they connected me with the campaign "Make poverty history" and the "Greenbelt" festival which I also got inspired with... The "24-7 prayer boiler rooms" that I already knew off and got to know some of the people running it... Very inspiring as well... Hosting places for people to actually be alone with God for one hour ( surprisingly a very rare thing among many Christians)... So rare that this kind of movement boomed all over the world... Funny isn't it? And we think religions are about getting us closer to God...well, I naively did...
The "Jesus freaks" was a big highlight in Germany...a big movement within Christianity that started with a small bunch of young punk's wanting to follow Jesus' lifestyle... Very fun group I have to say... They are still mainly punk rockers and anarchists, but there are all sorts of alternative scenes in the mix... Most of my good friends are still connected to the movement, even though some stay on the edges ( as the movement is getting quite religious and fundamentalist about certain things)...
Most of those I met on that journey, that I'm still in touch with today, are on the edges, or "in exile" ( like me)...or like blood cells, they are all over... Christianity changed a lot in the last 12 years...well, for me definitely... I have no idea how is it at the moment... I did go to a gathering of Jesus Freaks recently and I didn't connect with it at all, apart from seeing good friends, who were there for the relationships, like me...
"Taize" was a big highlight then, and it remains today... The silence, the contemplation, the chanting, the inclusiveness... The monastic community open to all those who want to pray...simple...
At the end of this trip, and just before coming to live at the mount of Oaks, was another big highlight... The time in Israel/Palestine... The appreciation of Muslim, Jewish and Christian devotion, the different expressions of the same desire, the connection with God... Also, I have to say, the recognition that when it comes to ignorance, it comes to all religions... All that doesn't go beyond superficial religious practise, falls into fundamentalism...ignorance... Lack of knowing more... Lack of knowing what they all claim to know... I saw a lot of weirdos there, specially Jerusalem... But I met very impressive, God like people like the Nassar family at the "Tent of Nations", Ibrahim and his open peacemaking house, the "All nations cafe" and their meetings we attend, gathering Muslims, Christians, Jewish, both Palestinians and Israelis, showing the world that peace is possible, as long as we meet face to face, around food and music and dance :-) and get rid of fabricated prejudices... Some glimpses of hope in the midst of a bigger and complex picture...
Anyway, I think I'm finding the reason for bloging :-) it is about telling stories, isn't it? It is about sharing with one another, and a way for us to remember our own stories :-) ah...
So, I've come a long way in my pilgrimage so far, and I m sure I will have a long way more to go...well, as long as I live in this life...
I never stopped believing in the existence of a god, or a divine presence, or a More, this thing in whom "we live, and move and have our being"... i experienced it, and that, no-one can ever take from me, and I will never be able to deny it...
I never called myself a Christian either, simply because I never liked to be put in that box... But I was involved in church and with Christians for about 11 years...
I still have Jesus as my guru, and I think life is too short to learn in depth with more than one...well, for me at least...
After I shared about my relationship with Emma, many Christians didn't really approve because "the bible says so"... And after a long struggle between relationships and faith, I had enough... I Couldn't cope with this kind of Christianity ( which unfortunately is still the most expressed publicly)... I surely didn't want to waste my time with these kind of "relationships", which, a bit like the religion of many, are so superficial... It was hard for my personality, but I had to let go... I tried many times to have some dialogue, but there was no space for it... So fxxk it!!! ( Excuse my language)
Personally I also gradually stopped reading and meditating on the bible, which I loved doing, even praying became very occasional...
But the hunger and desire to be intimate with God remained ( thankfully).
I kind of needed a detox from everything... To empty myself of all I learnt so I could be filled again... To not only deconstruct, but almost unlearn many of the things I surely don't agree with today...
At some point I felt the need to re-connect... I do feel life is too short to dig too many wells, and I do identify with Jesus in the sense that he also grew up within a very religious society, and he lived under a very oppressive imperialistic system like Rome, which is not so far from our capitalist empire we live in today ( a bit more disguised, but still oppressive in so many ways, and at a global scale)... So I still want to hear what Jesus has to say, and what was his way to connect with God that made it so real and intimate...and what was that "way" of living he modelled that defied the empire so much ... Yes, I don't believe the early followers and even Jesus was killed and persecuted because he professed a different faith and started a new religious movement ( I don't think that was ever Jesus intention anyway...if any, he probably wanted to tell people to follow God in their hearts, not in religious dogmas)
With a simple Google search, I bumped into progressive Christianity and Marcus J. Borg, and I've been fascinated since... The first book I read, was his last, called "convictions" ... I thought, if he has anything interesting to say, he would write on his last book before dying... And he definitely did... That book is the juice of his long journey, and it was such a spring of fresh water to see expressed in words what I was feeling in my heart... And also knowing that, in a way, I'm not alone :-)... It gave me a new desire to seek Jesus, and the bible, and theology... I ve read a few of his books since, and I love each one...he must have been such a great teacher... Now I'm reading "the five gospels" in search of the historical Jesus, which includes the gospel of Thomas, and it was written by a group of scholars of the Jesus seminar... Loving it so far...
In all these readings I question... Where the heck is/was this kind of teaching in church? Shouldn't this be basic knowledge? I really don't want to judge and think that most leaders prefer to keep the "sheep" stupid, but it's very tempting...
I don't like judging and thinking I'm better and know better either... If I read some of my previous posts, and the terms and language I use, I will surely judge myself... But that s it, isn't it? We are all on a journey... And if we seek, we eventually find...if we ask questions, eventually the answers will come to us...
Anyway, what do I know... That I know nothing ehehehehehehe, and that s ok :-)
Happy days to all!!
Not sure if I will keep writing or if this is again just a winter thing, and then will pass... It's definitely interesting to blog, and what comes out once we start writing...
Anyway, I enjoyed it!!!
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