wOrKiNg 4 GoD...or LiViNg 4 GoD ?!!! lets meditate...

I've noticed too many times lately that people refer to my life in Lisbon as "work"...and I just feel I need to write something about it, because I feel there's something with these words I don't identify with... well, people have been asking me things like "- so, how's your work doing in Lisbon? ", or, when I say I'm going to leave Lisbon this summer, people say "- And how was the work, was it good?"... What can I say?...one day someone asked me "- so, do you have a lot of staff with you already? ", and I couldn't answer...What is this all about ?!!! what kind of mindset? it sounds so foreign to me...It just doesn't fit...at least in my mind...

some people are coming over to Lisbon and tell me "- Hey, I'd like to see your work !!! "

I seriously don't know what to answer...or what to show... I mean, do they want to meet my friends, the beggers I meet on the streets, the prayers I write on my walls... I don´t know...

Some want to help in my "ministry", and I can only say "- well, I can show you the bars, where young people hang out, maybe there's a nice party or concert coming, etc..."... I really don't know how to deal with this...

For me is good enough if people come to visit and enjoy the city and pray for what comes in their hearts :-) !!! And I had many guests this year :-)

All this made me think...Am I working for God, or living for God ?!! I'm definitely LIVING... and I don't see my life as work, or a job... is prayer work? is listening work? maybe it is...

How do you see yourself ?! Are you working for God, or living for God ?...

I know I don't have a "job"... And that might be where it gets tricky to explain... I don't have a salary in the end of the month, I just trust God will provide my needs through other people's offerings... and it so happens... in many people's minds they think "she works for God", so that they will not tend to think "she does nothing in life"... Hummmm... I'm speaking also about other christians here , who should see things with other perspective besides the world's...

It might come down to "titles"... if I would say "Im a nun", people would get it, but that often implies being connected with institutional church, and I´m not...
Well, for me, I live to serve God and I live in behalf of others...my time, gifts and talents God has been given me, I try the best way to use them in behalf of others... That's what I "do", I guess... I try to love God and to love others with God´s help...
it's even hard for me to know when I need to stop and have time for myself, because I have no schedule, and God is not bossing me around :-)... some days I "work" too much, I even don't eat properly or on time...other days I feel I'm lazy because I'm not DOING anything specifically, or I'm just resting (most of times is the world's mindset speaking this things)... The discipline of rest is not easy...
Yesterday I was telling a friend I was going to Israel in the summer and she told me " What a good life you have!!! " (with a sound of envy )... And that's true, I really love what I do with my life and what I experience, specially because I love people and I love traveling... many people would love to do a lot of things I do, but they would not be willing to live the way I live as well... like not knowing I will have enough money for the month and need to wait and trust in God with donations ... a lot of people don't like to depend on others as well,and I think that's the main issue for a lot of people... that's the most common thinking nowadays...everyone wants their independence (even christians are seeking these things...security in our terms).... as for me, I've been dependent on God and others all the time...and I ´m not saying it´s easy but I really appreciate it because it's also a way for me to be accountable for what I do with my life and the money that is given to me... I'm not boasting here, but a lot of people don't think about this part of the story... A lot of travelings are exhausting as well, not having a regular place to stay, not having familiar people around for long time is lonely sometimes...And i'm not even mentioning the spiritual part of it, the many struggles, etc...
sometimes I make the mistake of hearing the "world's" voice and what it dictates, and I start to shake and doubt... I start thinking " I really do nothing...what am I doing anyway?!!"... But when I listen to God I hear "You are my child and I'm proud of you...I will provide all your needs" ... That's the Truth I hold on to...And everything I might do will have to come out of that : WHO I AM... and what I feel called to do
I worked as a gardener last year for 6 months ( my only proper "job" in my life I have to confess, and it was only a formation from the employment centre :-)... before I only sold handicrafts on the streets and had a few occasional short season jobs... When I was in Angola and became a follower of Jesus I volunteerly served full time with an NGO and there I learned with my mentors what it was to "live by faith" in this area off finances...it was really scary, buty now I get it... I´m not just asking people to support me, I´m giving people the opportunity to participate in the things I do in my life and the people I help without asking money for it ...being a gardener was a great experience, but after I came from my travels last year God told me to live full time in service... and I can see why, because doing a lot of things I do I need to be available all the time... to be with people when they need, to network a lot lately, and that implies traveling, e.mailing, etc...
I also don't agree with the term "working full time for God" (here we go with the "working" word again), because there's no such thing... we are ALL called to LIVE full time for God...even if you have a paid job, you LIVE for God right there... and God uses you right there...
and if you think during the week you are working for your boss and maybe on weekends you are working for God when you volunteer to DO something "in church" (I'm using here people's terms I don't agree with), you better think about it then...Is that true ?!!!
We, westerners, tend to divide everything... God is in one box, work is in another box, family in another, leisure time another,and of course drinking beer cannot be on the same box as God, so we need to make another one for that... isn't that what happens in our western human minds ?!!! I don´t like beer, but we can even see in Jesus life how drinking wine and being with God go well together... eh, eh...

WE SHOULD SEE GOD IN ALL THE SPHERES OF OUR LIFE, BECAUSE OUR LIFE IS A WHOLE, AND GOD IS EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME...

Maybe this mindset is the same that makes us think about " Doing church", or "going to church", instead of "BEING the church"...
In the gospel of John 15:12-17, Jesus say:
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit and —fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."

This is everyboby's calling, isn't it ?!!...To Love eachother as Jesus Loved us...and for me that is to live in behalf of others...Knowing that God calls us friends and The Spirit of God is the one who shows us how to Love, and makes us able to Love...

So, going back to my question in the beginning (sorry this is getting too long, but I'm meditating myself on this now as well), how can I answer something like "How is your work doing in Lisbon? " , when all I do is about relationships? It's about loving others, despite of the way I express that love... it´s inspiring others maybe... sometimes is serving others, and then it's easier to say something that I did, but most of the times it's not visible...
I'm glad I don't have to present "numbers" and facts like many peoplel "need" for their organizations or supporters, because I wouldn't know what to "report"... I had to do something the other day that was a bit funny if I consider everything I'm writing now... I had to write a plan of my "ministry" for 2007...this is because somehow I was invited to be part of this national christian group of leaders, representing the "Emerging generation and Urban Tribes" (whatever!!!), and we have to present this to another European Organization who are supporting us...but worst than that was that I had to present a budget for it :-) ... I couldn't really... I had to tell them I cannot really separate my life from my "ministry", so I presented my basic needs to live and do some things I do ( I basically present them my estimate phone and internet bill, plus traveling expenses)... how can I know when a phone call is part of my "ministry" or not if my "ministry" is my life ? what about if I take a train to go to the beach?! Maybe if I speak with someone in the train or at the beach is considered "work", if not is just personal leisure...it's even sick to think this way... I hate the way a lot of christians see people as projects or goals of their "minitries"...I could never think about my friends or any other people I meet as part of my "work"...And should I include my food expenses, because unless I'm fasting I do need to eat to keep this body going :-)... I'll have no house next year, so I don't need to pay rent :-), that helps... and thank God I never got sick and need a doctor... only the dentist I had to spend some money... all this to say, my budget is quite low...
I understood their part and their good intention to support my service but it´s like we speak different languages ... I guess I was not of much help for them :-) oh well, sorry guys... maybe this is part of the "emerging mindset" that we all need to get use to... or is it just me :-) ?